Basics
This is a psalm of David, I don't know at what point in his life it was written. My research indicates that we don't really know when David wrote this prayer. We know he was under attack. So that could be at any of a number of times in his life. He could have been in a cave hiding from Saul, or late in his life during one of the revolts by one of his sons.
It is in the 3rd book of Psalms and is apparently very personal for David, it is the only one that he puts his name on in the 3rd book.
Because the individual lines of the psalm appear in other psalms, people have speculated that David did not actually write this psalm, but rather that the psalm was pieced together from other psalms he wrote, and from the book of Exodus.
The psalm is titled a "prayer of David" and is used as a tool to teach people to pray. But for me, I think there is more richness in the view point of mental health.
3 have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. for me the key phrase here is all day long. David knew he needed God to guide him at all times. Things went kinda haywire when he tried to guide his own life, people got hurt, and David eventually hurt for them and for the wrong he did.
4. Bring joy to your servant Lord, for I put my trust in you. David still desires Joy. We all do, despite the attacks he is enduring, he longs for Joy. We don't know who is attacking David at this point. We don't know if they are justified or not. One thing is clear, when you are living wrong, living a life that is not connected to God, the attacks will come. Justified or Not. Even if you are saved, even if you believe... if you are not letting Christ live in your heart, the slings and arrows will come.
5. You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call you. It is easy to focus on the phrase abounding in love... but for me that is a cop out. God's love and goodness can not be a safety net when you are as flawed as I am. They have to be a foundation. The real important phrase for me in this one is "call to you" I have to call to the Lord at all times. I have to let him guide everything I do, and say.
David is beloved of God. But David is nothing if not a flawed man. His sins are extreme. Much of what he exhibits behaviorally is nothing short of megalomania or narcissism. He experiences incredible highs and lows in his life. Often his actions show a complete lack of regard for the feelings of others in his quest for what he wants to bring about. (2 Sam, 11) But still he knows that it is God's mercy that will actually bring him Joy.
I'm in touch with David. Completely totally utterly in touch with David. I am David. I have spent my life too focused on what people think about me, wanting to be revered, not just respected. Wanting people to say good things about me, and to tell all of their friends. Heck, if they wanted to start a blog about how cool I am, that would be great! I thought I was unworthy of love if I couldn't have the adoration of all. I thought I would never be able to have an enduring relationship, if I wasn't someone that my wife could revere, not just respect and love. Even my first couple of years as a believer were characterized by the desire to be well known at church, be a group leader. Instruct others in small group. To use church as a way to control the behavior of others. And more importantly the way others felt about me. I led a completely inauthentic life that caused pain for me and others, An inauthentic life sprinkled with moments of utter Joy. When I reflect back the moments of Joy were moments when I was not all about me. It was losing Tami that made me want to change, and that changed my prayer life. Before then it was always try even harder to control the world.
I should say those tendencies and feelings are still there. The rest of my life is going to be a
struggle against those feelings. And this psalm is a great model of how I need to pray. I need to pray for mercy (v3) I need to pray for joy (v4). Just because I have these challenges does not mean that God does not want me to have Joy. He wants joy for all of his children. I need to remember when I pray that God is forgiving, good, and abounding in love (v5). I need to remember that the adoration and admiration my messed up soul always desires.... I need to refocus that on a desire for God to admire, love, and adore me. That is my only shot at having Joy with others.
I am not challenged by alcohol, but rather by perpetual BS. But even that is hard for me to write as I sit here, the desire to use my condition to try to get your respect is there, present in my words. I pray that I am writing this for me, to draw me closer to him and whatever he has for me. I realize as I write this that I am still trying to plan and ultimately control my families reactions to Tami's return into my life. I have to stop. I have to trust God. I believe that he has a plan for us. I believe that he used a bulldozer of love to clear a path for her return into my life. Everything that has happened since she and I started talking again makes me humbled and in awe of the Lord. I believe that he is changing our story into a victory story, in his way. Not in my way. I believe that he wants me to be a father to her children. I believe he wants Joy for both of us and our families. I believe to do that , to have any shot at that, I have to be aware and conscious of my basic flawed nature. I believe that I have to stay in the word, stay in group, and let Christ live in me.
That is the biggest one. If you are hurting, if you are flawed (and we all are) then I suspect that letting Christ live in you is the most effective solution for your problems. Truly trying to understand the heart of Christ and let him live in you. My life is changing radically. Since I learned to pray (and actually mean it) for God's will, and for God's blessing for others, my life has changed, my attitudes have changed. Prayers are being answered.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
How to forgive: Job 14:16-17
The basics:
The book of Job is attributed to Job, but was probably written by an israelite living somewhere in Edam, which is now northern Arabia. The book was probably not written in Hebrew, but rather in Aramaic and translated. Job is a prophet in all 3 Abrahamic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Job is the author and central character in the book of Job. Basically he is a righteous and prosperous man who is beset with a whole host of troubles and problems. But through all of his problems he never loses faith in God.
The book of Job is the first book of poetry in the bible. It is widely considered one of the worlds great literary works.
The book of Job is very old, and is a part of the Hebrew Bible. Job is mentioned also in the new testament, so we know it predates the time of Christ. Probably written somewhere around 700-400 BCE.
The book of Job has been the inspiration for many musical writing, plays, and other literature.
14:16 - Surely then you will count my steps but not keep track of my sin - So god knows our "steps" he knows everything you have been through. He understands your weary heart, your tiredness and your pain. He knows every wrong you have ever done, but he still doesn't keep an accounting of your sine. And literally thank God for that. Understand that Job is about to die, he is frustrated, he has tried to talk to friends and warn them about what he has learned and about our frailty as humans. He is saying "lord you know how many steps Ive taken, Im old... but I know you are still a loving god.
14:17 - My offenses will be sealed up in a bag; you will cover over my sin. - So I've spent the past 30 minutes trying to see if there is something deeper to this verse. To understand if I've missed something. I honestly now think it is just a poetic turn of phrase. But what a beautiful one. I think is is related to the bagging up the clothing and possessions of the sick (lepers) and burying them. Afterall, at this point Job is diseased and dying. But he asks please bag up my sins and bury them, not my worldly things. But rather anything that keeps me from you...
The real lesson is how to forgive. To forgive like god. God will forgive you, but that is easy for him, he's God. The real take away from this verse is to forgive, like God. When you forgive it must be like no offense was ever made. You simply forgive it completely. You wrap it up and bury it. It is not forgotten, that is not realistic. You will still have scars and pain from it. But the offense must be completely forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. You are the one hurting when you think about the wrong that someone has done to you. If we focus on my BS when we were us, and Tami's mistake, we will never heal and we will always hurt. So the sins of the past must be buried covered over and forgotten as sins. Remembered as things to instruct us, but not as offenses made. It is easy to say, "I can forgive, if I can understand why..." but really you don't need to understand why. If you love, you simply forgive. If you can't do that, you get to keep hurting. And you forgiving someone doesn't mean they have to forgive you. So forgiving really is something you do for your. It is the paradox of our faith, the things we are "doing" for others... are actually some of the best things we can do for ourselves. it is more blessed to give then receive...
The book of Job is attributed to Job, but was probably written by an israelite living somewhere in Edam, which is now northern Arabia. The book was probably not written in Hebrew, but rather in Aramaic and translated. Job is a prophet in all 3 Abrahamic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Job is the author and central character in the book of Job. Basically he is a righteous and prosperous man who is beset with a whole host of troubles and problems. But through all of his problems he never loses faith in God.
The book of Job is the first book of poetry in the bible. It is widely considered one of the worlds great literary works.
The book of Job is very old, and is a part of the Hebrew Bible. Job is mentioned also in the new testament, so we know it predates the time of Christ. Probably written somewhere around 700-400 BCE.
The book of Job has been the inspiration for many musical writing, plays, and other literature.
14:16 - Surely then you will count my steps but not keep track of my sin - So god knows our "steps" he knows everything you have been through. He understands your weary heart, your tiredness and your pain. He knows every wrong you have ever done, but he still doesn't keep an accounting of your sine. And literally thank God for that. Understand that Job is about to die, he is frustrated, he has tried to talk to friends and warn them about what he has learned and about our frailty as humans. He is saying "lord you know how many steps Ive taken, Im old... but I know you are still a loving god.
14:17 - My offenses will be sealed up in a bag; you will cover over my sin. - So I've spent the past 30 minutes trying to see if there is something deeper to this verse. To understand if I've missed something. I honestly now think it is just a poetic turn of phrase. But what a beautiful one. I think is is related to the bagging up the clothing and possessions of the sick (lepers) and burying them. Afterall, at this point Job is diseased and dying. But he asks please bag up my sins and bury them, not my worldly things. But rather anything that keeps me from you...
The real lesson is how to forgive. To forgive like god. God will forgive you, but that is easy for him, he's God. The real take away from this verse is to forgive, like God. When you forgive it must be like no offense was ever made. You simply forgive it completely. You wrap it up and bury it. It is not forgotten, that is not realistic. You will still have scars and pain from it. But the offense must be completely forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. You are the one hurting when you think about the wrong that someone has done to you. If we focus on my BS when we were us, and Tami's mistake, we will never heal and we will always hurt. So the sins of the past must be buried covered over and forgotten as sins. Remembered as things to instruct us, but not as offenses made. It is easy to say, "I can forgive, if I can understand why..." but really you don't need to understand why. If you love, you simply forgive. If you can't do that, you get to keep hurting. And you forgiving someone doesn't mean they have to forgive you. So forgiving really is something you do for your. It is the paradox of our faith, the things we are "doing" for others... are actually some of the best things we can do for ourselves. it is more blessed to give then receive...
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
2 Corinthians 13:5
The Basics:
2nd Corinthians was written by the Apostle Paul and by Timmothy. It is a letter to the church at Corinth. We have two letters from Paul to the Church at Corinth. We have evidence that he wrote 4 letters. He refers to the two missing letters in his writings. The 2nd Corinthian Epistle (letters) represents a pretty stark change from 1st Corinthians. Some speculate that 2nd corinthians is actually more than one letter and that it is in part one of the missing letters.
The earliest version of the letter that we have is on papyrus, and dates to the year AD 200, which is only 160-165 years after the death of Christ. So there is little or no doubt about it's authenticity or authorship.
Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith. test yourselves. Paul calls us to lead a self examined life. I am rocked by something Tami just said in a good way. She finally explained why we fell apart. It wasn't specific lies. It was her fear of the unknown and my BS self aggrandizing need to try to make her promises that didn't come true. She would try to believe, and then they wouldn't happen or something better or worse would happen. I needed a better way to communicate with her. The reason things fell apart. I could never understand before because I wasn't ready to hear that message when I was outside in. Now trying to live inside out, and lead an examined life, I have hope of not just improving relations with her, but also everyone. Authenticity comes from living a self examined inside out life. And the question isn't just who is in charge or who's will to follow, it is deeper than that... The question is this, is Christ truly living in you, that is what matters because that is what answers the dang question correctly.
Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you? Unless of course you fail the test? Ok so you can love the Lord, and want to be a better person, but still not allow Christ to live in your heart. You can read and study and pray, and trust me you gotta pray if you want any shot at the life you want, but still not allow Christ to be living in you. And maybe that is the complete surrender to the will of God. Not just trying to follow Gods rule book, or praying heartfelt prayers of submission to the will of God, but rather, allowing Christ to live in you.
So I think it is enough to love God and to accept his will, but when is enough ever good enough? Especially when you might be able to have so much more? There is a difference between Grace, Salvation, and total submission. I didn't get that before.
2nd Corinthians was written by the Apostle Paul and by Timmothy. It is a letter to the church at Corinth. We have two letters from Paul to the Church at Corinth. We have evidence that he wrote 4 letters. He refers to the two missing letters in his writings. The 2nd Corinthian Epistle (letters) represents a pretty stark change from 1st Corinthians. Some speculate that 2nd corinthians is actually more than one letter and that it is in part one of the missing letters.
The earliest version of the letter that we have is on papyrus, and dates to the year AD 200, which is only 160-165 years after the death of Christ. So there is little or no doubt about it's authenticity or authorship.
Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith. test yourselves. Paul calls us to lead a self examined life. I am rocked by something Tami just said in a good way. She finally explained why we fell apart. It wasn't specific lies. It was her fear of the unknown and my BS self aggrandizing need to try to make her promises that didn't come true. She would try to believe, and then they wouldn't happen or something better or worse would happen. I needed a better way to communicate with her. The reason things fell apart. I could never understand before because I wasn't ready to hear that message when I was outside in. Now trying to live inside out, and lead an examined life, I have hope of not just improving relations with her, but also everyone. Authenticity comes from living a self examined inside out life. And the question isn't just who is in charge or who's will to follow, it is deeper than that... The question is this, is Christ truly living in you, that is what matters because that is what answers the dang question correctly.
Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you? Unless of course you fail the test? Ok so you can love the Lord, and want to be a better person, but still not allow Christ to live in your heart. You can read and study and pray, and trust me you gotta pray if you want any shot at the life you want, but still not allow Christ to be living in you. And maybe that is the complete surrender to the will of God. Not just trying to follow Gods rule book, or praying heartfelt prayers of submission to the will of God, but rather, allowing Christ to live in you.
So I think it is enough to love God and to accept his will, but when is enough ever good enough? Especially when you might be able to have so much more? There is a difference between Grace, Salvation, and total submission. I didn't get that before.
Psalm 25 Reflections
The basics -
This is a psalm of King David - my current favorite biblical character. Man did he ever screw up a lot, and a lot worse than most of us will ever screw up. But he was still beloved of God. Probably written late in his life during the time when Absalom was leading a rebellion against him. Absalom was one of David's sons, and one of two who rebelled against him with military force.
This is the psalm that coins the phrase - "I lift up my eyes to you oh lord" One of the most favorite psalms. This psalm is an important part of the Jewish tradition of Rosh Hashanah
This psalm is written in acrostic style - the first letter of each line are combined to make a word or phrase, or memory device. David chose the Hebrew alphabet, so he was literally beginning each line with the next letter in the alphabet, probably to try to remember the psalm. But at some point passion takes him and he just starts writing... sounds familiar.
This is one of the Penitential Psalms where David is confessing to the Lord, there are 7 of these psalms.
For the sake of your name - What you ask for you ask for for Gods sake not your sake. That is the goal to love god in a way where your first concern is what is best for his kingdom. Like you love your actual father, or mother, or children. Any other kind of love is not real love. I know that now through bitter and painful experience. Not loving Tami in that way until it was too late. Despite the examples laid before me.
Forgive my inequity, though it is great - Asking for the forgiveness of things you have done. Asking God to just forgive, not to wipe away for undo. Gods plans are his own. and He knows the desires of your heart before you even ask for anything. So when you get to a point where you are asking not for selfish miracles (although it is ok to hope for those things) but rather you are asking just to be forgiven, so that you can be in that loving relationship with him again, that is a good barometer of your healing and forgiving yourself. I think it is fine to pray for selfish miracles. It is fine to ask for what your heart desires. I certainly have and it certainly seems to be working out. Tami has left the man she married when she left me. God seems to be clearing a path to love with a Bulldozer of Grace. I definitely kept asking for it, but it is interesting that it never happened until my prayer actually became - not my will but yours for me. You know what I want, but what I want most is whatever you want from me and for me and to get that I ask forgiveness.
who then are those who fear the lord? he will instruct them in the ways they should choose. The interesting thing here is that it says "they should choose" Love and submission, and faithfulness are choices, Gods love is expressed for us in part by the gift of free will. We have to choose to be faithful and obedient. Love requires free will. To love God you have to choose to love him. Free will is, in my opinion how we are created in Gods own image. We can choose to love. We can choose not to hate, we can choose to be instructed by God.
God seems to be working some huge miracles in my life. I am prayerful and optomistic that the terrible things that have happened this past year and a half are almost behind me. Certainly Tami's admission and apology have been huge in my heart. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I hope for the faith to try in a Godly way.
This is a psalm of King David - my current favorite biblical character. Man did he ever screw up a lot, and a lot worse than most of us will ever screw up. But he was still beloved of God. Probably written late in his life during the time when Absalom was leading a rebellion against him. Absalom was one of David's sons, and one of two who rebelled against him with military force.
This is the psalm that coins the phrase - "I lift up my eyes to you oh lord" One of the most favorite psalms. This psalm is an important part of the Jewish tradition of Rosh Hashanah
This psalm is written in acrostic style - the first letter of each line are combined to make a word or phrase, or memory device. David chose the Hebrew alphabet, so he was literally beginning each line with the next letter in the alphabet, probably to try to remember the psalm. But at some point passion takes him and he just starts writing... sounds familiar.
This is one of the Penitential Psalms where David is confessing to the Lord, there are 7 of these psalms.
For the sake of your name - What you ask for you ask for for Gods sake not your sake. That is the goal to love god in a way where your first concern is what is best for his kingdom. Like you love your actual father, or mother, or children. Any other kind of love is not real love. I know that now through bitter and painful experience. Not loving Tami in that way until it was too late. Despite the examples laid before me.
Forgive my inequity, though it is great - Asking for the forgiveness of things you have done. Asking God to just forgive, not to wipe away for undo. Gods plans are his own. and He knows the desires of your heart before you even ask for anything. So when you get to a point where you are asking not for selfish miracles (although it is ok to hope for those things) but rather you are asking just to be forgiven, so that you can be in that loving relationship with him again, that is a good barometer of your healing and forgiving yourself. I think it is fine to pray for selfish miracles. It is fine to ask for what your heart desires. I certainly have and it certainly seems to be working out. Tami has left the man she married when she left me. God seems to be clearing a path to love with a Bulldozer of Grace. I definitely kept asking for it, but it is interesting that it never happened until my prayer actually became - not my will but yours for me. You know what I want, but what I want most is whatever you want from me and for me and to get that I ask forgiveness.
who then are those who fear the lord? he will instruct them in the ways they should choose. The interesting thing here is that it says "they should choose" Love and submission, and faithfulness are choices, Gods love is expressed for us in part by the gift of free will. We have to choose to be faithful and obedient. Love requires free will. To love God you have to choose to love him. Free will is, in my opinion how we are created in Gods own image. We can choose to love. We can choose not to hate, we can choose to be instructed by God.
God seems to be working some huge miracles in my life. I am prayerful and optomistic that the terrible things that have happened this past year and a half are almost behind me. Certainly Tami's admission and apology have been huge in my heart. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I hope for the faith to try in a Godly way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)