Basics
This is a psalm of David, I don't know at what point in his life it was written. My research indicates that we don't really know when David wrote this prayer. We know he was under attack. So that could be at any of a number of times in his life. He could have been in a cave hiding from Saul, or late in his life during one of the revolts by one of his sons.
It is in the 3rd book of Psalms and is apparently very personal for David, it is the only one that he puts his name on in the 3rd book.
Because the individual lines of the psalm appear in other psalms, people have speculated that David did not actually write this psalm, but rather that the psalm was pieced together from other psalms he wrote, and from the book of Exodus.
The psalm is titled a "prayer of David" and is used as a tool to teach people to pray. But for me, I think there is more richness in the view point of mental health.
3 have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. for me the key phrase here is all day long. David knew he needed God to guide him at all times. Things went kinda haywire when he tried to guide his own life, people got hurt, and David eventually hurt for them and for the wrong he did.
4. Bring joy to your servant Lord, for I put my trust in you. David still desires Joy. We all do, despite the attacks he is enduring, he longs for Joy. We don't know who is attacking David at this point. We don't know if they are justified or not. One thing is clear, when you are living wrong, living a life that is not connected to God, the attacks will come. Justified or Not. Even if you are saved, even if you believe... if you are not letting Christ live in your heart, the slings and arrows will come.
5. You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call you. It is easy to focus on the phrase abounding in love... but for me that is a cop out. God's love and goodness can not be a safety net when you are as flawed as I am. They have to be a foundation. The real important phrase for me in this one is "call to you" I have to call to the Lord at all times. I have to let him guide everything I do, and say.
David is beloved of God. But David is nothing if not a flawed man. His sins are extreme. Much of what he exhibits behaviorally is nothing short of megalomania or narcissism. He experiences incredible highs and lows in his life. Often his actions show a complete lack of regard for the feelings of others in his quest for what he wants to bring about. (2 Sam, 11) But still he knows that it is God's mercy that will actually bring him Joy.
I'm in touch with David. Completely totally utterly in touch with David. I am David. I have spent my life too focused on what people think about me, wanting to be revered, not just respected. Wanting people to say good things about me, and to tell all of their friends. Heck, if they wanted to start a blog about how cool I am, that would be great! I thought I was unworthy of love if I couldn't have the adoration of all. I thought I would never be able to have an enduring relationship, if I wasn't someone that my wife could revere, not just respect and love. Even my first couple of years as a believer were characterized by the desire to be well known at church, be a group leader. Instruct others in small group. To use church as a way to control the behavior of others. And more importantly the way others felt about me. I led a completely inauthentic life that caused pain for me and others, An inauthentic life sprinkled with moments of utter Joy. When I reflect back the moments of Joy were moments when I was not all about me. It was losing Tami that made me want to change, and that changed my prayer life. Before then it was always try even harder to control the world.
I should say those tendencies and feelings are still there. The rest of my life is going to be a
struggle against those feelings. And this psalm is a great model of how I need to pray. I need to pray for mercy (v3) I need to pray for joy (v4). Just because I have these challenges does not mean that God does not want me to have Joy. He wants joy for all of his children. I need to remember when I pray that God is forgiving, good, and abounding in love (v5). I need to remember that the adoration and admiration my messed up soul always desires.... I need to refocus that on a desire for God to admire, love, and adore me. That is my only shot at having Joy with others.
I am not challenged by alcohol, but rather by perpetual BS. But even that is hard for me to write as I sit here, the desire to use my condition to try to get your respect is there, present in my words. I pray that I am writing this for me, to draw me closer to him and whatever he has for me. I realize as I write this that I am still trying to plan and ultimately control my families reactions to Tami's return into my life. I have to stop. I have to trust God. I believe that he has a plan for us. I believe that he used a bulldozer of love to clear a path for her return into my life. Everything that has happened since she and I started talking again makes me humbled and in awe of the Lord. I believe that he is changing our story into a victory story, in his way. Not in my way. I believe that he wants me to be a father to her children. I believe he wants Joy for both of us and our families. I believe to do that , to have any shot at that, I have to be aware and conscious of my basic flawed nature. I believe that I have to stay in the word, stay in group, and let Christ live in me.
That is the biggest one. If you are hurting, if you are flawed (and we all are) then I suspect that letting Christ live in you is the most effective solution for your problems. Truly trying to understand the heart of Christ and let him live in you. My life is changing radically. Since I learned to pray (and actually mean it) for God's will, and for God's blessing for others, my life has changed, my attitudes have changed. Prayers are being answered.
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